Looks Can Be So Deceiving

My name is Giovanni (serioulsy) and I moved next door to Angie a few months ago. I live with my mom, Patrona and her room mate, Lizzy. They're college students and sometimes can piss off Angie, but what's new? Everyone can piss off Angie. See, sometimes they have loud parties and throw liquor bottles in her yard and their friends take Angie's parking space out front. She gets pissed when she has to park her new car a block away and walk. But, what really pisses Angie off is ME. She even had a talk with my mom about my behavior.

I am this big, beautiful Himalayan with huge blue eyes and Angie is a sucker for cats! When I first met Angie, I was curled up in her tulips taking a nap. I seriously thought it was my yard because my mom thought so as well. When Angie saw my mom pruning her plants, she went ballistic. She had to tell my mom that was her yard and to please reframe from pruning her plants. (She has all these wild flowers that provide a lot of shade and hiding places for us cats).

So, Angie sees me laying there and comes up to me and tells me how beautiful I am. I actually let her pet me a few times.....sweeten her up a little.....then Pounce! That was a good one, too. I even drew blood. Now you know what she calls me? Big Bastard! Yeah, that's my name. Nice, huh? No one needs neigbors like her.

Now we are at war with one another.

Two Sides To Every Story.

I'll agree with a few things Giovanni has stated. First, he is beautiful! He is one of the most gorgeous cats I have ever seen. He even let me take a few pictures of him yesterday without attacking me. But for some reason, I can't post them on my blog. Yes, I am an idiot. And, I really wasn't blessed with a lot of patience, either.

Second: Yeah, I changed his name. Around here, he is Big Bastard. I call him that, Sweetie does, even my forever- in- Church, mother calls him that. Why? Because he is! Big Bastard!

In a previous life, this cat was a pitt bull. He stalks.........he crouches down, in his plants and mine....he thinks he owns my yard, and pounces! I picked a few lemons from my tree the other day, and out pops Big Bastard and pounces on my foot. Yeah, he drew blood......Again.

The day I went in for my breast biopsy, he comes up to me, rubs his big body on my legs, I reached down to pet him and he attacked me. I went to kick him out of the way...gently.....I don't abuse animals, and he attacked my foot.

Now, I try to avoid him. When I go out to either my front or back yard, I always look to see where he might be lurking. I also carry a squirt bottle with me and use it to my full, complete advantage. I have lit his ass up! The squirt bottle, when not in my hand, is a permanent fixture on my porch. Sweetie saw him the other night, around the corner and clapped his hands loudly and scared the hell out of him. He's not so tough when he is out of his element.

I have never feared a cat before, but this guy is mean! He even has MY cats scared. One of my cats was always "the Don" on this street, but I think he's been taken out by Vito...Giovanni, Big Bastard, whatever next door. He corners my cats constantly and if I am at home and hear their piercing squabbles, out comes the squirt bottle. I have no mercy for his fluffy ass!

And? He is one brave, fearless Mother F***er. (Wow.......see, I am getting better..........I didn't even type my favorite descriptive). I was out watering a couple of mornings ago, Ok..........hence the word watering..........usually a hose is involved.......chalk full of water and there he comes! Pops out from some shrub and crouches down and stares at me with those huge blue eyes. I am just looking at him and saying to myself: Try it Mother F***er. I dare you. Just try it. You think that squirt bottle can light your ass up? Just think what a garden hose can do. I beg you! Please, just try it! Make My Day!

His mother and I are civil towards one another. We will never be best friends........but we are civil. One night Sweetie and I came home from somewhere and Patrona was outside doing something. So was Big Bastard acting all sweet because his mommy was around......Eddie Haskle. I commented on how beautiful her cat is and also made the comment that he has no fear. She informed me that he is a "Guard Cat." (PITT BULL). He guards everything and is very territorial and sometimes attacks her friends. She told me that if he gets out of control, I have permission to "kick him out of the way." (She doesn't know that I already chose that route and ended up with a bloody foot). Bastard!

I really wish I could have posted a picture of Big Bastard but I can't figure out how. I am sure it's something very easy that even I, the ludite(?) can eventually figure out. I should ask my older boy to help me but that would mean a few, very long minutes of listening to him remind me of the fact that I can not grasp technology. Well, guess what boy#1? Try parenting your ass for 19 years with out becoming completely grey or a stone cold drunk! We all have our strengths and I know mine do not involve technology.

Wish me luck...........mediation begins tomorrow.

Ciao,
Angie