The Knot

I am sure that all of us know the term "to tie the knot." Duh. I am not even going to explain that term because it would be an insult to all of our intelligence. Uneccessary.

Ok........well, in 1985.....I "tied the knot." Only? The term has come to mean a completely different thing to me 21 1/2 years later.

Not only did I tie the knot? I married the KNOT! It is a very weird description that even my counselor was quite puzzled by. After I explained why I referred to Narty (ex's new name.....referrence to Narcissism) as a knot, she broke into laughter. She also told me she never had anyone describe their spouse as a knot......but, a knot is the only descriptive I could come up with. And? It fits!

To give a little background, I am going under hypnosis next week to "aid" me in mediation. Like most narcissists, my ex. firmly believes he is flawless, faultless.......with out blame.......and I am the ONE with problems. Ok........he can sure make me APPEAR to be problamatic because he can control my emotions. No, I am not absolving myself from any blame; I am merely stating he DOES have that much control. I have ENABLED him to have this much control.

He can give an exasperated look, roll his eyes, say something under his breath...whatever else, and can elicit such anger and rage from me that no one on this planet could ever accomplish. In other words? He brings out the worse in me! The absolute worse. I hate the person I am when I am near that man.

My counselor wanted me to describe him in complete detail. He's a nice looking man..charming as most narcissists are....but? Ok........this is me being catty.......Lay off the hair dye! Dark hair is very hard to tint. I have very dark hair and covering grey can be a challenge. It can turn orange. Gross orange! I don't know what this man is using, but his dark hair is orange. Oh, well....Sugar Mamma must like orange hair. Or? Quit being so damn cheap and pay a professional!

And? He needs to shed some poundage. I am sure with out knowing the first thing about even how to boil water leads one to eat crap. Not my problem! But, he better produce some receipts to back his claim on spending $400.00 a month on groceries. Yeah, right!

She wanted me to describe his voice, body language, mannerisms, tone..etc.........So here it goes.

He ANNUCIATES EVERYTHING. He's more of a cerebral narcissists...so they're "smart" YOU ARE THE VILLAGE IDIOT. Whatever dude!

And? He takes very dramatic inhales....he's exasperated because you are such an idiot. (He fails to realize he talks in circles and assumes you know what he is talking about).

Example: He went to the store and bought that. Ok.....(I would ask) Who's he? And what did he buy?

Eyes would roll......dramatic inhale........

HIM.....You know? Larry. (ok I knew you were talking about Larry......NOT).

And he bought band aids.......I thought I told you this.

I seriously hate being mind fucked. And I have no patience so I would dramatically inhale and reply: I am sorry I did not have my crystal ball tuned to the "Narty Channel" and knew who and what the hell you were talking about.

Also, his forhead bunches into a KNOT....he taps his feet.....jitters.....he paces......his eyes get really big and he starts ANNUCIATING.......he is one big knot!

Only? I want to be taught how to NOT make the KNOT a noose! Or? Give him enough rope and let him hang himself!

Again....the man brings out the worst in me!

The KNOT is also contagious. When he takes the tone and becomes this God awfulperson, I develop a KNOT in my stomach. I then have trouble eating and will eventually shed a few pounds of my own. It's a very viscious cycle, the KNOT!

She then asked me what I determine to be the opposite of a knot. It took me awhile to come up with.....a kitten.

They are soft. It only takes one finger to stroke them. They purr rather loudly.........they cuddle...they love you unconditionally, and they are so cute! (I love cats!) Yes, I will be the 90 year old cat lady. Best part? They don't talk back!

Again..........she was puzzled by my word associations...........

Maybe, I am crazy.

Nope! I just have a very different imagination.

So, now............her job is to help me to look into the knot's eyes and? See a kitten.

This is going to be very interesting!

On the plus side?

I received a much begged for letter from my attorney yesterday. She drafted a letter to Narty's attorney stating that it's in his best interest to stop all communication with me unless it soley pertains to specific interests regarding our children and/or property. She told his attorney that he is constantly making deragatory comments to me and to our children about me. And? He's emotionally abusive.

He must also choose one day a week at a specific time to spend with the boyz. And? It has to be at his home or anywhere other than here! He needs to respect my privacy and not intrude on me. He also must mail support checks instead of using them as an excuse to come to my house and torture me.

Gee? I have begged him to do this for months. I feel I had to "tattle" on him to my attorney to get him to leave me the hell alone!

Nice......huh? And this is a grown man. A grown man that I conceived two children with.....EWWWWWW......not the children part......the conception part.........EWWWWWW.

Wonder how much that "letter" cost me.

Well, it was worth it. I haven't heard anything from him since Thursday. There really is a God!