I Have Changed My Address........don't come!

I can always tell when my special "aunt" will show up on my doorstep. Most of the time, she's unwanted. A few times and only a few times, I was very glad to see her, but most of the time she's just completely unwanted. Now, that I am in my 40's, I view her visits as just completely annoying and tiresome. Hurry Up! Get this over with and Go Home! I really can't choose what I would deem the worst case possible. My visits with Auntie? Or an unexpected "visit" from my soon to be ex-mother-in-law.?

Both options are pretty bad. I haven't seen nor heard from my mother in law since the late 90's and that was by choice. She's crazy and I had to get her out of our lives..........crazy people tend to suck the life out you..........so, you kinda have to figure out or put into prespective exactly what you want and don't want in your life. I chose to excommunicate Mizz MIL permanently.

But Auntie? C'mon on now! Let's look at this realistically. You can go away, at any time. I don't plan on having any more children. I am way too old. I know my grandmother was my age when my dad was born, but.........please, that was just wierd. So you can leave at any point.

I know you are reving up your engine, pulling that ghetto cruiser out of your shack to come see me for a few days. I can just tell. At least you give me a few warnings, unpleasant as they may seem. Let's see.........what signs have you given me thus far?

Oh, my favorite jeans.........thank you so very much for playing your little mind game. When I bought them, they were too big. The next week I wore them? My Good God! I looked liked I squeezed into a pair of pants 2 sizes too small for my already, big J-Lo Ass. After you wore out your welcome and found some other poor woman to torture.......I wore them again.......with a BELT! Nice mind fuck!

And why is it that when I know you will soon pull your ghetto, piece of crap car into my drive way that I feel compelled to go grocery shopping for stuff I normally never eat? Last night.......why, seriously, did I feel I had to make Fried Chicken Wings with Garlic Sauce.........Twiced Baked Potatoes...........AND Fried Zucchini?

See what I am talking about? Toxic foods...........tastes good..........but toxic foods. For sure my jeans will never fit!

Now, the big one........Back to my age. I will be 43 at the end of June......why am I getting PIMPLES? Is it the fried food? Or is this just another one of your vindictive, evil tricks? They are not big crater dudes, just small annoying chin zits...but still zits...damn, it. I am a grown woman who deserves some respect here!

I think when you finally park your ugly ass in my drive, come in and make yourself all cozy, we are going to have a little "chat." We need to talk about the number of years you have been torturing me. I really think it is time for you to find someone else to pick on. I am getting old now, and I am tired of fighting..........why don't you just be a nice auntie...........and leave me THE HELL ALONE!

Next person on the chat list is that dumb chick Eve. When I die, and reach Heaven, Nirvana, whatever..........I know I will be there because I am such....well you know? A great person and all..........blah, blah, blah..........I am marching right into Eve's office for a little sit down. We seriously need to address her stupidity and how it has affected every single woman on this polluted planet.

I am not playing, Eve. You and I have some unfinished business.

I just hope it's not for a very long time that I get to see your apple eating face. I look forward to grandchildren one day and huge amounts of quality time spent with them!

Ciao, Angie